As I welcome the hallmark of another year passing I can confess that yes I too fall victim to the self judgement, departmentalisation, and incessant expectations of the new year. Incessant self judgement as I take mental note of the expectations of yesteryear that have STILL not had their boxes ticked.
This is where I stop for a minute and give my self a swift mental slap (only because really doing it would hurt... And look weird) and tell myself to wake up to myself....( are u getting this).
Life in itself is really hard, there are constant challenges, discomforts, dreams and nightmares that fill our days without our conscious efforts to put them there. My life in reality will happen whether I try or not, whether I set huge expectations out there to be met or missed or not. I'm not saying that having dreams or goals is not a mildly worthwhile activity... But I guess what I am saying is to ease up on yourself. Be kind to yourself. If you want to be smaller, or quit smoking, or finish that degree, I'm sure you will get there, but any amount of self loathing, judgement or self degradation is surely not going to help you on your way... In fact it probably went a long way to creating the challenge you're facing in the first place.
On the passing of this New Year's Eve 2013, I didn't get all caught up in the usual fanfare of the event (although that can be SO fun too), I did just take a moment to be still and see the good things around me. My best friends eyes were glowing as he lit the kids sparklers and they squealed in mixed delight and fear as they held the burning excitement in their hands. I watched our kids derive an extreme of joy from every moment, bolting out the front and up the hill as soon as they heard the pop from any firework, afraid they would miss a spark and dancing in the darkened garage adorned from head to toe in glow sticks and bracelets.
I starred up into the starry sky from my friends hammock, champagne and strawberries in hand, cheesecake, eaton mess and bannoffee pie in the bowl in my lap with the laughter of my friends and our children melding into my perfect moment and I just let myself be.
So that is my prayer and blessing for you this New Year and everyday that follows it...
May you have the courage and the joy of just being,
may you experience the peace and the acceptance that flows from that. May your journey be as it should,
and more importantly may your eyes light up when are in the presence of those you love,
and them you.
My dreams needs and wants seem endless as I'm sure yours do too, but I never loose sight of the fact that all the physical and worldly accomplishments in this universe mean nothing if I'm not ok. So I take care of me first... And in taking care of me I'm taking care of those around me. Kind of like lighting sparklers, I can't light anyone else's if I don't light my own first (well unless I have a lighter?..... Well u know what I mean!) So this year I'm not resolving I'm just doing. Doing what is in this moment, because its all I can do, and all I'm meant to be doing. I have pretty clear ideas about the things I'd like to do in my life... But the things that are topping my list and I think have been for a long time now is creating beautiful things that inspire, spending quality time with my fellow man, investing in my friends and worthy family, laughing till it hurts and loving without a safety net.
Focussing on what is topping my priority list and what brings me joy brings balance to my life and everything comes into sharper focus. The bad things fade as just learning moment that helped define me. So try it! Don't resolve just do it now, have the thought about what tops your priority list so when your judgementalist comes in to check off that list for 2013, you tell her/him to take a back seat as the front one's already taken.
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